The trials of life

It was the end month of twenty sixteen and the weather had turned cold. The evening sun had gone quite mad with brilliant colors; gold, blood red, blush pink, and pale green all merging into a delicate sight where a sliver of moon and a solitary star kept company. I narrowed my gaze onto my ancestral home.

It reminded me so much of my younger days. It reminded me of how I spent all my childhood summer breaks and vacations, the cheers and joys. It reminded me of my old grandma sitting by the fireplace narrating me stories. It reminded me of my loved ones being lifted out in coffins onto the shoulders of four men and carried away one after the other, never to be seen.

I felt a numb senseless lack of anything that could be called grief, then when the realization comes that I would never in this world feel the love and see the person I love anymore again, a despairing pain that tore me until it was unbearable......... that stayed. I would feel it, for I had loved them more than anyone in the world.

The house, it stood still in silence, cold and cheerless.

My eyes turned moist and I could feel my visions getting blurred, I just stood there cursing the fate that took from me the complete, unchangeable love of my life leaving me with an awful certainty that I will never be a child. The little heart of mine sank into chaos and confusion, dreams turned into apathy, all deeply lost with the memory. I moaned low in the back of my throat like someone who had been tortured beyond endurance, a cry of pain and despair so great it almost choked me.

I had plenty of time reminiscing the past and mentally abusing myself for the many mistakes I had made along the way. But then, I couldn’t live my life dwelling on the “If only's”, and I was determined to move forward.

I had to.

Wiping off the tears, I turned and admired the brilliant handiworks. The Christmas stars glowing in various colors and sizes, the Christmas trees with attractive sparkling lights, creatively decorated standing tall with pride, hope, and love outside every occupant of houses. I found myself becoming more grateful 'cause the good things outweigh the not so pleasant things that happened to me.

There were a lot of beautiful new things to be seen and even the old looked wonderful, the glowing things gave me comfort and I could feel a new feeling being regenerated inside me. Feelings of tender affection, hope, concern........a feeling of gratitude.

“Nothing better,” I said with satisfaction.

Hurt and pain are guaranteed in this world but whatever the circumstances may be I will hold on to His promise.